Safe Haven
by lil-sis24
Summary: You hold me close and I feel safe. You look at me and not only I but everyone else close enough to see your face can see the adoration and love in your eyes and smile. I look at you and all I see is your love. You're my life. My safe haven. RizzLes. Maura's POV


Title: Safe Haven

Pairing: Jane/Maura

Summary: You hold me close and I feel safe. You look at me and not only I but everyone else close enough to see your face can see the adoration and love in your eyes and smile. I look at you and all I see is your love. You're my life. My safe haven.

A/N: I wrote this story with one single picture in my head. I'm not sure if it's a manip or a real picture, but it's the one the summary to this story arose to, simply as a thought at first. And out of that thought I created the story. It's just a One Shot. Nothing special. It's the first I've written in first person.  
Maybe there'll be a continuation at some point, you never know what plot bunny crosses my way next...

I'm also not a native speaker. I've tried my best with grammar and typos.

Enjoy reading!

Maura's POV

* * *

I was sitting at home, alone. Over the speakers came soft, classical music and I held a glass of my favourite wine in one hand. The other I used to skim through a medical journal.

But my thoughts kept drifting away. They kept drifting to a certain someone. It's not like it was forbidden or anything, to think of someone. But I always tried not to think of a friend in that way, especially not of my best friend. Not like I ever had many friends. But it was like an unspoken rule for me. No daydreaming and no fantasising over friends. How it happened I had no idea. Somehow it just did. And I didn't really know what to do about it either.

It's not like I could just walk up to my best friend, stating the facts about my findings - namely that I fantasise and most likely even fell in love - and then just walk away. I'd most likely receive a raised eyebrow and a sarcastic "Really?" and I most certainly wouldn't survive that. Because it would mean losing her. I couldn't lose her. Not ever.

So I kept these findings to myself so far, not sure what I could do and what her reaction would be if I ever told her.

Yes, her. Jane, my best friend. And I dare say the only real best friend I ever had. Honest, funny, protective, beautiful. My safe haven. Even though she doesn't know this last bit. Not yet. Maybe she'll never know..

I sighed and took another sip of my wine, staring down on the long discarded and forgotten journal. I did want to read that... but I guess I just was too tired to be able to concentrate. I usually had a strong will, just not when I was tired and had Jane on my mind. The detective could be very distracting. In person even more so. I guess I could be glad she currently was at her own apartment.

But when didn't I have Jane on my mind these days? I sighed again and closed the journal. Time to go to bed. My thoughts of the detective would turn into dreams and I'd feel like I didn't sleep enough tomorrow morning, but I didn't care. My thoughts and the dreams were all I had. With that I stood up, turned off the music and made my way into my bedroom.

* * *

The next morning came like I predicted, way too early and I felt like I didn't sleep much. Dreams of Jane lingered in my thoughts all through my morning routines. Not even meditating helped to clear my mind of her.  
This was getting out of hand. I needed to do something. But what, I had no idea. Not yet, anyway.

"Good morning Maura! Did you sleep okay, dear?" Angela brought me out of my musings. I yelped.

"I'm sorry, didn't mean to startle you.. Are you okay?" Angela again.

"No, no. It's fine, don't worry Angela. I slept okay. Did you?" I asked and turned around to her, leaning against the counter top in my kitchen, cup of coffee in hand.

I noticed she watched me closely for signs if I had lied. But I hadn't, I had slept okay after all. Not good, but not bad either. I smiled lightly at her and gestured for her to help herself to coffee what she promptly did.

"I slept wonderfully, thank you." She took a sip of her coffee and then continued talking.

"It's your day off, isn't it? You're not on call, even. I know because Janie has been complaining about that the last four days."

We both chuckled. Me having a day off and not being on call meant Dr. Pike would be in to cover for me. And no one really liked him. Except detective Crowe maybe. But no one liked Crowe, either.

"So, do you have any plans for today?"

"I thought about going shopping. For Christmas." I answered truthfully. With my extended family this year I had many more Christmas presents to purchase.

"Don't go mental over getting everyone something. We have to be forever grateful to you already, for letting me stay in your guest house and hosting all the family dinners here and now we'll be having Christmas dinner at your house, as well..." Angela trailed off, staring into her cup.

I shook my head and rolled my eyes. Something I definitely had from Jane.

"Angela" I started and laid one hand on her arm, taking a deep breath for what I was about to say "you know, having you here staying with me and hosting all these family dinners means so much to me. I've been alone nearly all my life and you bring something into it that makes it feel more like a life than ever before. I might have lived before I met Jane... and you all, but now I'm alive. You all mean so much to me, you have no idea. You'll never be a burden." Jane meant so much more to me than that, but I couldn't really tell her mother that, could I? Not before I had talked to Jane about it. And I wouldn't talk to Jane about it in the near future, now would I?  
I sighed and Angela looked up at me. I could see she had tears in her eyes.

"Don't cry, Angela. It's nothing but the truth." I smiled a half-smile and then nodded, mostly to myself but she saw it, too, and thankfully took the sign. Clearing her throat she said: "Well, thank you anyway. I should head into the café. Or else Stanley will have my head."

We shared another smile and then she waved good-bye on her way out the back door.

Again I sighed. It's not that I hated emotions, or being emotional. But it was difficult. I didn't like being emotional in front of others. Jane was the exception, again. With Jane I felt safe enough to let go and even cry sometimes. Just like she would seek me out if she was afraid of something, if she couldn't sleep because there were those nightmares of Hoyt again, she came to me. And I'm just like her, that way. I seek her out if there was a particularly hard case, if my parents or my biological parents had done something or a date went wrong...

There I stopped myself. Thinking of dates gone wrong made me think about my desire to actually date Jane and no one else. The reason why I sought out dates with other people in the first place.

"No." I said to myself and turned around, placing my empty cup in the sink and washing it out before putting it into the dishwasher. "You better not go there."

Determined I made my way to the front door, picking up my cell which I put into my purse, grabbing my coat and keys before closing and locking the door behind me.

With a smile I made my way into town, looking forward to shopping, even if it wasn't for myself this time.

* * *

I've been shopping for nearly five hours when I decided that it was time for some lunch. Just when I started to think about my options I heard my cell bleeping with an arriving text message.

"U wanna grab some lunch? Ma said u r out shopping. How's that going? -J."

I smiled and then sighed. It didn't matter what I told Jane, she wouldn't use proper language while texting. Without thinking much about it, I started typing an answer:

"I'm indeed shopping and so far all went well. I found nearly all the Christmas presents I wanted. And your timing is perfect, by the way, I was just about to decide where to go to for lunch. So, yes, lunch would be perfect. -M."

She didn't let me wait long for her reply. A few minutes later, I just arrived at my car and put everything in the trunk, her answer arrived:

"Gr8! Let's meet that Café down the street of the precinct, the 1 u like. Gimme 10 mins!"

"I'll need at least ten minutes to drive there, myself, so no hurry, okay?" I replied and then started my car, easing out of the parking lot onto the street and driving towards the precinct.

When I entered the Café exactly twelve minutes later there was no sign of Jane yet. I smiled happily. That meant I could buy lunch without fighting her. Thankfully there was no large crowd today and only three people in the line in front of me.

When it was my turn to order something I heard the door open again and instinctively knew it was Jane. I smirked and placed our order, handing over the cash. Just as I received the change I felt her presence behind me, her scent surrounding me instantly. I smiled at the barista and moved along the counter to make room for the next customer in line and wait for our order. That's when I turned around slightly.

"Maur" she whined "you shouldn't have paid for my food. I'm perfectly capable to buy my own lunch!"

"Hello Jane." I said lightly, ignoring her complaint.

She sighed heavily and then said: "Hey Maura. So, your shopping trip was good?"

"Very good. Only two presents missing. Yours and Angela's." I smiled up at her. Even with my heels she was still a little bit taller than me, tall enough for me to need to lift my head up to see her eyes.

Jane glared at me. "You can't help yourself, can you?"  
I blinked. What did I say wrong now?  
"I...I already told your mother this morning-" I stopped myself, taking in our surroundings. Another barista had placed our order on the counter in front of us, Jane was still glaring at me, her eyebrow raised. I cleared my throat and without another word reached for the tray of food and drinks. But Jane stopped me.

"Let me do that." she said in a quiet voice and took the tray, starting to walk towards a free table.

I hoped that Jane understood that I wouldn't continue this talk until we were in a more private setting. Not in a café but preferably at home and alone. Sighing softly I trailed behind her, watching her walk.  
"This conversation is not over, Maur. I want to talk to you about...you spending all that money on ...me. On us. Can we do that? Tonight maybe?" Jane proposed and I breathed out in relieve.

"Of course we can talk. Just not here, please."

She nodded and took a large bite of her sandwich.  
"Thanks for lunch" she said with her mouth full with sandwich. I had to smile.

We continued to talk about various things, just not about the shopping or Christmas or money. Before we parted again we agreed on her bringing some take out to my place tonight. Standing side by side in front of the Café my thoughts drifted to her beautiful face, her lips. I knew our bodies fit perfectly together because of that one moment in Giovanni's garage and at her High School reunion, too. Before I could do what my heart wanted me to do, I squeezed her arm in passing as a good bye and left without another word. Usually she would've accompanied me to my car, but I didn't want that today.

When I finally sat in my car I let my head rest on the steering wheel for a while. I had nearly kissed her good bye just now.

"What the..." I whispered to myself. I had nearly kissed her! This really was getting out of control. My feelings were getting out of control. Where was that supposed to lead? I couldn't possibly just kiss her, could I? She'd turn away disgusted and I would have lost my best friend.

I let out a strangled, frustrated sound and sat up straight. Buckling in my seatbelt I started the car and drove back home. No more shopping today, just wrapping what I already had. It was still five weeks to Christmas, but I'd rather be finished in time than run behind.  
On that thought, maybe I should do some online shopping later for Angela and Jane. Maybe I would find something suitable for them there.

Feeling happy with the outcome of the shopping and wrapping session this afternoon, I noticed the time and immediately started to feel nervous. Jane would be here soon, she'd want to talk about my willingness to let them celebrate Christmas at my house and spending all that money on Christmas presents. Though I didn't spend that much. Pushing my feelings back down I booted my laptop and logged into one of my favourite online shops.

Finally I did find something for Angela. I knew there was no coffee maker in the guest house, one of the main reasons why Angela came over to my kitchen in the mornings. So I found a suitable, a little smaller one she could keep if she ever decided to move out. With a deep breath I started browsing again, this time Jane before my inner eye. What could I get my brave detective?

Looking into the jewellery section I was about to decide against it. Jane wasn't really someone to wear much jewellery. Neither necklaces nor rings or bracelets. I knew she sometimes wore something on dates, but most of the time she didn't. It was too dangerous in her line of job, really. Just before I was about to click on the log out button I noticed the men's section with bracelets with Celtic symbols integrated into the leather.

My interest was piqued as I knew a lot about the Celtic mythology. And when I noticed the dragon I knew that was the one for Jane. The dragon stood for power, unsubduedness and aggressiveness. But as well for heroism and strength. That was Jane. She'd never subdue herself, she was a hero in many eyes, but her own, probably. She had power and strength. She was also protective. Female dragons could be very protective towards their children and their clans, protecting them with their own life, if necessary. And that's what Jane was, too. Protective of her family and those she loved.

That's what I would give her for Christmas. With a smile I clicked on the "purchase now" button and then logged myself out. Jane would be here soon. Until then, I'd make myself some tea.

Only twenty minutes later, I've been drinking my tea and read the discarded journal from the night before, I heard the key I gave Jane and the front door opened.

As soon as she spotted me sitting at the kitchen island a smile lit up her features.

"Hey, Maur. How did your afternoon go?"

"Hello Jane." I answered with a slight smile myself. "Great. I'm all done for Christmas now. How was work?"

"All done? That means you found the missing presents, spent even more money? I've been thinking about that all afternoon, to be honest and-"

"Jane, I... Can we- Please, can we eat first? Whatever you brought, it smells amazing."

The brunette studied my face for a few seconds very intently, it seemed, and I blushed slightly under her scrutinising stare. Finally she nodded.  
"Ok, let's eat first. It's Thai food. Something green, even, especially for you. But I'll eat it, too." She grinned at me and I smiled back, though I knew that I looked nervous.

During dinner she told me everything about her day at work. Pike must have been "a pain in the ass" for her and the whole team, while Crowe provoked her. How, she didn't tell, but I could imagine.

We both were very aware of the rumours. Just that for me, they were kind of true. We weren't a couple - while I was madly in love with her, and everyone thought we already were a couple – I don't think Jane wanted us to be a couple, either way. Best friends, yes. But more than that? Not so much.

"Ok. So, that was my day. We already talked about yours, but now.. you know I want to talk about this with you now. You started to talk about it during lunch..." Jane sighed. "I think I'm starting this all wrong. What I wanted to say this noon already was that I don't like the idea of you spending so much money on us, me, my family. Ma already stays here at your guest house, we have family dinners here every other weekend and I- I'm spending most of my time here, too. You know, sometimes I just feel like... we're invading your space and you, being the kind-hearted woman we all know, can't tell us no. Just because we... you and I are friends...I don't want you to feel obligated to do all this. You know what I mean?" Jane stopped her speech and I stared at her. I don't think I've ever heard her talk at that length about her feelings. She doesn't want to use me or my money, for that matter. But I already know that. My problem right now is, how can I tell her that I want to do all this, not because I feel obligated or because we're friends but because I like them all and that I love her and that's the main reason. How could I tell her that without telling her that I was in love with her? I couldn't lie and I wasn't sure if half-truths – the way I usually got around breaking out into hives – worked this time. And if I wasn't sure, it usually wouldn't work.

"Maura?"

"I'm sorry Jane. I was trying to find the right way to tell you this." There, that wasn't a lie. Could I just say what I told her mother that morning? Something along those lines, probably.

"It's ok... really. If it's exactly what I just said, I understand. The Rizzoli's have a way of-"

When she started that sentence, I snapped.

"Stop! Right there. It's definitely not what you just said. I don't feel obligated or like I have to. I WANT to, Jane. Don't you understand? I l- I really like your family and Frost and Korsak are something like friends to me now, too. I get along with Frankie, I play chess with Tommy. And Angela... your mother is like a mother to me, too. My own mother is trying harder than ever before at the moment... But your mother... She's so different from mine, she has such a different character.. How could I not let her stay and spend time with her? It's a win-win-situation, really." I took a deep breath, not sure if what I was about to say would be received as well as the things I said so far. She looked me straight in the eyes and I couldn't break away from her gaze.

"And you. Jane, you're the best friend I always longed for but never had. You mean so much more to me than any person I've ever met in my life. I preferred to spend my time alone, I was called Queen of the Dead, with good reason. I felt more comfortable around the corpses in my cold morgue than upstairs with the living. Without you, I would still be down there, sitting in my office over some work, I wouldn't have a reason to go upstairs, to go out for lunch, to take days off and do fun things on the weekends.  
I don't want pity, I never wanted it. I was comfortable with me and my life. But now I have you, your family, friends. That's all I need now. You." I blushed at that last word and was finally able to look away from her deep brown eyes.

"Do you see why I do all this? Why I let your mother stay, why I agreed to have Christmas dinner with everyone here, in my house? Have you ever noticed how empty it feels when you- no one of you is here?" Oh god. I hoped she didn't hear that slip. But she was a detective, who was I kidding?

"Maura..." Janes voice sounded rough, more so than usual. When I looked up again I could see she had tears in her eyes, but I knew she was stubborn enough to hold them in. She hated crying as much as I did.

But when I noticed one single tear slipping out and down her beautiful cheek, I couldn't help myself. I got up, walked around the table to her side and simply hugged her. I didn't brush the tear away, not sure if there were more to follow. But I needed to hug her, I just had to reassure her that everything was okay. Though I wasn't even sure why she had tears in her eyes right now.

"Shhh... It's alright, Jane..." I whispered into her hair, squeezing her slightly.

I felt her arms encircle my waist and squeeze back.

"Do you feel alone when I'm not here?" she asked, muffled against me and slightly choked by the tears she was still holding back.

"Yes." I answered truthfully.

"You said, 'That's all I need. You.' Did you mean the whole family, or... me?" At that she pulled away slightly, looking up at me. I guess she felt me stiffen at her question because one of her hands wandered upwards, laying it on my cheek.

I couldn't lie, or I'd break out into hives. Could I tell her? What if she ran away? What if I lost her? I didn't know if I could survive it, if I could go back living my old life, banning her and her family from my heart.

"You." I whispered and closed my eyes. I didn't want to see the rejection I thought would come.

"I mean more to you than any other person in your life. More than...Ian?" she asked again and I felt a little like I was being interrogated. But then again, she was a detective, of course she'd ask questions and she knew she'd get honest answers from me. She always would.

"Would you hate me, would you feel disgusted if I said yes, you mean more than Ian to me?" I asked back. I had heard the anger in her voice at the mention of his name. Or was it jealousy? Could it be? She had been jealous during his last visit. But I thought it was because I didn't tell her about him. He was a welcome distraction back then.

I had my eyes still closed, afraid of her reaction, so so afraid of losing her. All I heard was our breathing, all I felt was her hand on my cheek, her arm around my waist, her body under my hands.

In my mind was chaos, though. Stating all the chemical reactions which were the cause for the flutter in my stomach and the rapid heartbeat. The tingling sensations were her hand rested. My blood pounding through the veins, causing me to blush. Her proximity was not helping at all. I could smell her, feel her, hear her breathing.

And suddenly I could hear her voice, directly besides my ear:

"I could never hate you and I can't feel disgusted by something... by something- by these feelings. I couldn't ever, Maura." If possible, my heart started beating even faster. Then I could feel her removing her other arm from around my waist, taking one of my wrists and guiding my hand somewhere. That's when I felt it. Her heartbeat. She pressed my hand against her chest, to where her heart was racing just as much as mine.  
"I couldn't possibly hate you for something- for feelings which seem to be the same as mine." she rushed out in a whisper.

Suddenly I could feel her lips pressing against my cheek. I gasped at the brief contact and opened my eyes.

"Jane."

The brunette looked at me and smiled shyly.

"Maura."

"I... I never thought- I..." I couldn't talk. Not at all. All my words had left me the instant her lips touched my cheek. All I had left, apparently, was her name. So I said it again and it sounded like I was a lovesick teenager.

"Jane..."

"I made you speechless. Wow. I never thought anyone could do that." Jane joked and I rolled my eyes at her. I might be speechless, but my mind ran a mile a second and I still had remotely control over my body functions. That's what brought me back, however. Control, body functions. Right. She kissed my cheek. I leaned forward, just a bit, leaving only a small sliver of room between us. Our faces were so close, I could feel her breath on my lips, I stared into her eyes and nearly lost myself in there.

Before I could drown in them, though, Jane closed the gap between us. When her lips touched mine it took me a second before I could reciprocate, my whole body frozen at the glorious feeling of her oh-so-soft lips on mine. It was so much better than I could've ever dreamed. So much better than what you could read in those sappy romance novels. This was not sappy at all. It was love. It felt real, it felt right.

I didn't know how long we kissed, but neither one of us could get enough of the other. Finally I pulled back slightly, not much, but enough to be able to look into her eyes. And after a few seconds her eyes opened, too. I smiled brightly at her and leaned my forehead against hers.

Her hand found its way up to my cheek again, caressing it gently.

"You're so beautiful" she whispered and I blushed at her words. I heard them often enough, from various people, but never did they make me feel so beautiful as I felt right now.

I kissed her again.

"I think we need to talk, Jane." I said in a serious tone.

The brunette frowned. I could imagine she had all kind of things on her mind we could be doing right now, but surely not talking. Jane wasn't one for talking, especially not about emotions. She could talk, at length, about baseball, mostly. Her job, TJ and she could go on and on about her hovering mother. And about me. I knew that, too.

So I smiled. "Nothing bad, but we need to... clarify a few things, I'd say, don't you?"

* * *

"You wanted to talk. So, talk" she said, sounding and even looking sulky.

I smirked and placed a kiss on her lips. Oh, how I loved to be able to do that now.

"I did and I will. Don't be a child, Jane."

"Am not!" she shot back and we both laughed.

"So?" she asked again when we had calmed down.

"So... I mean, we kissed and you said you feel the same. But what do you feel? Are you - will we be exclusive?" I asked the most pressing questions first. I had to stop myself there because otherwise she'd only answer the last two.

"Maur.." she groaned. I knew it was because she didn't like talking about feelings.

Before she could finish her whining, though, I leaned forward and whispered against her lips: "Please, Jane. I need to know. Just tell me. It's just me, you know?"

She closed her eyes and closed the distance between us once again, kissing me softly.

"I... I want us to be 'exclusive', as you put it. I want you to be my girlfriend, Maur. Will you be my girlfriend?" she asked me once she broke away from our kiss. Her eyes were so dark and I felt like I could get lost in them. But then again I knew that Jane'd be there to guide me somewhere safe.

"Yes! Yes, I want to be your girlfriend..." I smiled brightly. I couldn't remember ever feeling so happy as in this moment.

Jane breathed out a sigh of relief and I could feel it against my lips as we still were as close as right before she kissed me.

"Good. That's...awesome... I mean.. I really, really.. like you, Maura. You mean so much more to me than anyone else ever could. I just... thought I could never have you, so I tried to..settle. But I couldn't and...I'm glad it didn't work out.. I want it to work out with you.. with us. I want us to work. I want to do this right."

I smiled again and kissed her forehead.

"As long as you are being yourself, I'm sure it'll work out."

A smile broke out over her face, too, now.

"I need you" I whispered "the way you are because that's the Jane I fell in love with. I need you the way you are because that's the Jane that complements me and makes me whole. I need you the way you are because that's the Jane I feel safe being myself with. Because when you hold me close, I feel safe. You're my safe haven, Jane."

Suddenly she kissed my lips again, in a claiming but gentle kiss and I could feel her tears wetting our cheeks, our lips.

"My safe haven." I whispered against her lips. Whatever might come, with her, I was safe.

The end.


End file.
